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Joe Hart stands tall in 4-0 English win over Malta

Aaron Cresswell also shined... on the bench

Malta v England - FIFA 2018 World Cup Qualifier Photo by Julian Finney/Getty Images

It must be September because Harry Kane is scoring goals in batches again. Gareth Southgate’s England did their best to leave fans with shortened fingernails as 53 minutes of painful football dragged out in front of them. I mean, we all knew it was going to be a defensive showing against a stalwart side in Malta, right?

It was a goal Premier League fans will recognize all too well as Dele Alli supplied Harry Kane to break the nervy silence. However, for the next 33 minutes England would continue to struggle to find their offensive footing. Finally, Ryan Bertrand’s oddly running knuckleball took the Malta keeper (I could google his name but let’s be honest, you have no idea who he is and neither do I) by utter surprise as he flopped around like Magikarp in the box. After that England poured on the goals as Malta’s attempt to defy gravity was snuffed out emphatically.

But we’re not here to discuss England’s attacking front, let’s see those show stopping Joe Hart saves!


HA. We’re kidding. Joe just kind of stood around for 90 minutes shuffling from side to side, looking intimidating. BUT! He did earn himself his first clean sheet for quite some time. Judge Judy - do we count it if it’s against Malta?

She says yes!

In other news, the other West Ham United man Aaron Cresswell looked fantastic on the bench today. His hair was definitely on point, the wave perfectly coiffed. Which is a better result than his counterpart Arthur Masuaku who didn’t even make the team sheet, even though he was called up by Congo DR.

England will find their next opponent a bit more fierce as they take on Slovakia at Wembley on September 4th. Don’t miss it!