You either love it or you hate it. In 2005 Green Street Hooligans, or just Green Street in the UK, premiered to mixed reaction from movie and football fans. In a 2005 article from The Independent the then Mayor of Newham, Sir Robin Wales, said of the movie “The makers of this movie are irresponsible.” Rodger Ebert gave it 3.5 out of 4 stars.
Twelve years after it’s debut the movie continues to pop up in West Ham fandom. Enner Valencia famously referenced the movie when he signed for the club in 2014. People compared the scenes at London Stadium early on to those in the movie. Brian and I both became fans of the club because of the movie.
For better or worse the movie is now linked with the club. Brian and I thought it’d be fun to imagine a world where there’s a remake in the works and current West Ham players will be cast for the movie.
Have a read let us know what you think! Oh and if you’ve got a bunch of money to fund this remake and need casting directors Brian and I are both available.
Elijah Wood recast as Manuel Lanzini
Matt is the main character of the movie. He’s a promising young journalism student at Harvard before he’s kicked out for cocaine being found in his dorm room closet. Rather than fight to prove that his powerful and well connected roommate was stashing his coke in his stuff Matt jets off to England.
After seeing his sister for a hot second Matt is off to the footy match with Pete Dunham and the Green Street Elite. Matt’s initial uneasiness of firm life soon gives into full blown embrace of the lifestyle and the Hammers.
Manuel Lanzini will play the role of Matt Bucker in our remake. Manu came to us after leaving highly regarded River Plate for Al Jazira. Upon joining West Ham the diminutive Argentine quickly became a much beloved member of the Hammers.
Manu’s able to handle his own in the rough and tumble Premier League and has been known to get physical when necessary. Plus, like Elijah Wood Manu isn’t exactly someone you expect to be a badass but they sort of pull it off.
Charlie Hunnam recast with Mark Noble
Pete Dunham is the leader of the Green Street Elite (GSE) he’s tough as nails and stops at nothing to see the GSE prevail in a fight. Pete is West Ham through and through and will do anything for the firm.
There’s no question that Mark Noble would play Pete Dunham in our recast Green Street movie. Mark bleeds claret and blue and will do anything for the club. He’s tough and doesn’t take crap from anyone. Remember this gem?
Mark does the dirty work on the pitch and would do so in a scrap as well. His penchant for getting away with sneaky tackles would do him well when avoiding police during a fight. You see Mark’s passion for the game every day and he’d bring that same passion to leading the GSE.
Marc Warren recast with James Collins
Steve Dunham is the mild mannered man who happens to be Pete’s brother and Karen’s husband (Matt Buckner’s sister). It’s then revealed that Steve was “The Major” the founder and leader of the GSE. A tough as nails bloke that would do anything.
Jame Collins fits this bill as he’s the elder-statesman of the team and outside Mark Noble has the most passion for the club.
I’d be terrified if I ever met The Ginger Pele on the pitch or in a scrap. While his best days may be behind him James’ passion shows through and he’ll do anything for the club. Collins not only could pack a punch, but the crazed look he can pull off would terrify even the toughest of fighters. Collins would also be a great fit for the role of Pete Dunham. I could also see him making an appearance on Game of Thrones.
Leo Gregory recast with Diafra Sakho
Bovver is the best friend of Pete Dunham, and bleeds claret & blue. He goes above and beyond for the GSE.
He loves the firm and the club more than anything else, and that’s not different from Diafra Sakho the first few years. When he was banging them in and throwing up the hammers, there wasn’t a striker in the world I loved more than him.
Unfortunately, Sakho threw a bit of a fit when he wasn’t getting selected for the first team and there was strong rumor he wanted to leave, similar to how Bovver turns his back on Pete. But by the end, Bovver comes back to Pete and the Green Street Elite’s side, just like how Diafra, despite all the issues, continues to be a Hammer today. Let’s hope he’s ready to kick it into gear this season!
Geoff Bell recast with Dele Alli
Tommy Hatcher is the psycho leader of the Millwall firm. He has a very smug face and he’s very easy to hate, even if he is effective at leading a firm.
This was the perfect choice for Dele Alli, who is a great player, but there’s just something about his face that makes me want to punch him.
Same with Jesse Lingard. Can’t describe it, really.
Kieran Bew recast as Pedro Obiang
Ike is a member of the GSE and you don’t hear from him much or notice him, but he’s there.
For the new movie Ike is going to be played by Pedro Obiang. Pedro is quite and unassuming but on the field he’s a workhorse and powerhouse. He’s always getting in the way and backing up the team. He isn’t flashy but he gets the job done. He fits the role perfectly.
Henry Goodman recast with Lionel Messi
Carl is Matt’s mostly absent father. Carl is a journalist for The Times and has largely been on the road throughout Matt’s life. He’s an excellent journalist but doesn’t understand Matt’s association with the GSE.
For this role I’m going a bit outside of the West Ham family. I’m going to cast Lionel Messi. We’ve seen that Messi has a fondness for Manuel Lanzini who has been cast as Matt in our remake. Manuel has been set to follow Messi’s foot steps but Messi probably doesn’t understand why he would ply his trade at a club like West Ham United in a rough and tumble league.
A bit of a stretch but with Messi’s new facial hair he looks like a father like figure who’s been off in a foreign land.
Jeremy Van Holden:
Terence Jay recast as Dimitri Payet
Jeremy Van Holden is a sneaky little git that only has a brief appearance in the movie but everything revolves around his actions. He’s Matt’s roommate who also hides his cocaine stash in Matt’s things resulting in Matt’s expulsion from Harvard.
Dimitri Payet would play Jeremy in our recast movie. The frenchman is a snake in the grass and has no sense of loyalty or responsibility. I’ll never forgive him for his actions and I hope we play him sometime soon. I hate Jeremy Van Holden in the movie and I hate Payet in real life. It’s pretty easy to make this casting decision.
Ross McCall recast with Winston Reid
Dave is a member of the Green Street Elite, and Dave doesn’t really get into a whole bunch of issues. He shows up to the bar, does his job after the match, and sticks up for his friends. Winston Reid is the perfect choice. Reid shows up and puts up a strong showing in the back week in and week out. No drama.
Francis Pope recast with Aaron Cresswell
Ned is another member of the GSE who has a very small role in the film. It’s hard to get a true understanding of his character and personality which makes casting somewhat difficult.
I’m choosing to go with Aaron Cresswell for this role. First Aaron is a good looking man and you need good looking men for movies. Second, Aaron isn’t afraid to get into a scrap on the field and he wouldn’t be afraid to get into one in Green Street. He’s a quiet player and doesn’t show emotion too often and thus you rarely hear from him, similar to Ned in the movie.
Rafe Spall recast with Michail Antonio
Swill is one of my favorite characters is one of the louder members of the GSE. He seems to have a bit of a crazy streak to him. By crazy I mean he looks like a rabid animal ready to kill anyone in his path. His character is relatively minor but he’s important nonetheless.
For this role I’m casting Michail Antonio. In the movie Swill adds a bit of comedic relief to an otherwise dark movie. Antonio is the joker of the team and his play on the field is very direct and he’s ready to run through anyone to get the ball. When he’s charging forward he’s a scary player both with what he can do and that he’ll run you over. He’d be a big strong presence in a fight and could mess a few people up.
David Alexander recast with Alvaro Arbeloa
Nigel is the head of the Manchester United firm that the Green Street Elite fights in the middle of the movie. He has about two lines and then gets punched in the face. That’s it.
Which makes him the perfect character for Alvaro Arbeloa. He showed up, he got wrecked, he left.
Joel Beckett recast with Julian Dicks
Terry is Steve’s number two in the GSE while he was running the firm. Terry was a hard nosed member that could always hold his own in a scrap. Terry now plys his trade as a bartender at the Abbey Pub which is home to GSE.
Not far from his old life Terry mostly watches on as the younger crew of the GSE start to raise the profile of the firm.
For our remake we’ll cast Julian Dicks in this role. Dicksy was known for crunching tackles, passions, and his willinginess to go in on anyone. He loves the club and would do anything on the field for them. He isn’t far from his old life at West Ham as he is now one of the first team coaches.
He’s still involved with the club but is sitting back watching the latest group of Hammers navigate football life. You know Dicksy would be out on that pitch in a second if he was needed, much like Terry would be too.
Please give a round of applause for our new Green Street Hooligans cast! Have other ideas? We’d love to hear them! Give us a comment.