Deadline Day Updates: keeping up with the latest West Ham... debacles

Dearly beloved, we have gathered here today to remember the life that was West Ham United’s optimistic start to the season.

...

A sad day indeed when your transfer window is highlighted by a five year old trapped in a 27 year old, Senegalese, body. The Diafra Sakho story is a strange one. A tale that keeps providing new and strange twists, which will undoubtedly bless Hammer social media with future memes.

Diafra Sakho was in France. No, wait, he was in London Stadium. No wait! Sorry, he was at a race track watching his bizarrely named horse run a bit. Ding, ding!

Honestly, this day couldn’t have gone any worse. All we know for sure is he wants out, like yesterday. If it were up to me, I’d never let him leave, or let him play.

Quick recap of our ‘targets’ and how things transpired:

William Carvalho

If you can’t laugh, you’ll go mad. The Davids balked at signing the Portuguese midfielder because of a fee evaluation. How far apart were the two sides, you ask? £2 million.

Caravlho went on to score a goal and an assist for his national team tonight. Sure, it was against the lethal weapon known as the Faroe Islands, but clearly he’s not unfit, or in need of more games. He then went on to say that Sporting is a very difficult club to negotiate with. Which, is funny, because Sporting sent three players to the Premier League today. So... you know... real difficult.

Of course, in typical West Ham fashion, the story got even more bizarre regarding Carvalho. A report began to surface all over social media blaming Slaven Bilic for the failure to sign William. Similar to the Kelechi Iheanacho transfer, Bilic was supposedly presented with ‘several options’ yet turned them all down. Apparently, he’s content with the current squad. Now this is important to note because two very different fan theories have been surfacing. Some believe Bilic is actually turning down these players out of spite, or conversely, the board is leaking this information just to save a bit of face. Who knows what’s actually true at this point. The fact that either would be happening isn’t great news for anyone.

Andres Gomes

The Barcelona midfielder ended up moving to Tottenham (nothing announced but being reported as done). The big question this morning was West Ham or Tottenham? Apparently that question was answered rather emphatically a few hours ago.

Losing out on this deal is a bit of a head-scratcher as it was widely known Gomes preferred West Ham to link up with his Portuguese mate, Jose Fonte. Either the board didn’t want to agree to another loan to buy option arrangement (Hi Simone Zaza!) or Bilic just didn’t rate the player too highly. Either way, we’ll get to see what we missed twice a year should the move be completed.

UPDATE: Spurs deal fell through? West Ham could be back in action...

Jack Wilshere

There was never that much steam here anyway, but it would have been a cool last minute loan signing. The Hammers need to solidify their spine and Wilshere could have done wonders, or at the very least, add a bit of depth to our paper thin squad.

Mamadou Sakho

For £26 million we certainly could have used a top class defender to sure up a defense that’s been lacking a bit, to say the least. However, with Jose Fonte, James Collins, Winston Reid, and Angelo Ogbonna - there was just no way this would have transpired short of selling one of them.

We’ll keep this updated if anything else should surface, but for now, this is pretty much the mood of West Ham fans across the globe: