Alvaro Arbeloa about ready to call it quits in East London

Of course we broke up with Alvaro Arbeloa! The sex was dull, he was never around, and even when we spent time together, his mind was somewhere else.

The expectations were lofty for the former Liverpool and Real Madrid defender, even at 33 years old. It is difficult to be too tough on the man as he hasn’t been called on all that often under Slaven Bilic. However, that might have more to do with his attitude between matches than on the pitch. One match, he was on the bench for (Arsenal) and he didn’t even bother to bring his kit. A staff member had to run in and get it from the locker room. Between the reception Arbeloa received when leaving Real Madrid, the kind words spoken by Zidane, and the reverence the fans had for him; you’d think Alvaro would have contributed more in East London.

Reports are coming in that West Ham United will not be offering Alvaro Arbeloa a new contract when his current agreement runs out this summer. I know, just breathe slowly through a brown paper bag.

This is probably as amicable of a breakup West Ham and Arbeloa could have hoped for. Sure, he’s’ been injured since December, but even healthy he failed to live up to the hero hype that surrounded the former Real Madrid and Liverpool star.

Fear not, Hammer fans! David Sullivan is putting in the overtime to bring in St Etienne’s Kevin Malcuit or Manchester City’s Bacary Sagna. Sam Byram hasn’t exactly earned Slaven Bilic’s trust, and until then, we’ll probably be forced to suffer through what will inevitably be known as ‘the right back dark ages’.

But let’s be honest with ourselves for a minute. If Alvaro Arbeloa disappeared tomorrow from West Ham United, you’d forget in a week.

Have fun in MLS, Alvaro.